Written by Bri Wylde
KALE is a work of fan fiction detailing the lore behind the proof of teamwork Stellar Asset KALE. View the project on GitHub to learn more and to get started farming your own KALE!
Roscoe leaned casually against the doorway of the Governor’s manor as he watched the Arcurian Pearl descend in fire and smoke onto the docking pad outside. He was expecting a large shipment of Corium today, delivered from the brilliant Dr. Fred, traveling all the way from Earth. The Corium experiments were going well, to say the least, so well that Dr. Fred was finally making the trip to planet Demeter himself.
The ship’s hatch opened with a hiss, and Roscoe sauntered to the vessel, spitting out a wad of tobacco as he walked. “Ew, Sheriff! That’s disgusting,” said a voice behind him, followed by quick, light footsteps. Roscoe rolled his eyes. He had picked up this habit during his time as an intergalactic space cowboy, and he wasn’t about to give it up to appease Hazel Moss, Dr. Fred’s intelligent and vexing off-planet associate.
Hazel hurried to catch up to Roscoe’s long strides, squealing, “It’s time! He’s really here! Here on Demeter! I just can’t believe it!”
Roscoe scoffed. “You communicate almost every day,” he said.
“Dr. Fred figured out how to catalyze Corium, Sheriff. To be in the mere presence of such genius is an honor.” Hazel sighed, stars dancing in her eyes.
Roscoe chuckled and lounged by the ship. A few moments later, footsteps sounded on the metal ramp, and the distinguished Dr. Fred emerged, followed by a young, haughty-looking man with horn-rimmed glasses.
“Sheriff Roscoe, I presume?” Dr. Fred took the sheriff’s hand in a friendly shake. “Nice to finally meet you.” He turned his gaze to Hazel, whose excitement was palpable. “Hazel! Lovely to put a face to our correspondence. I hear you’re doing great work here,” he said, and Hazel beamed.
Roscoe grinned. Hazel was a right pain with her constant peppiness, but seeing her so happy did provide him with some joy. “Dr. Fred, pleasure’s all mine. Governor Stefano is wantin’ to speak with you right away about the Kale and Corium experiments if you’ll follow me,” Roscoe hooked his thumbs through his belt loops as he strolled toward the manor, diamond spurs clinking.
Dr. Fred kept pace with Roscoe and Hazel, saying, “Not even giving me time to dust off the space crust! Fantastic. Lead the way, Sheriff. Oh, and please call me Fred.”
There was a light ahem from behind the group. Roscoe peered around to where the noise emanated from. Fred coughed. “Oh, yes, of course. This is Perry, my new assistant,” he said, gesturing to the pointy-nosed young man.
Perry gave a somber nod before adjusting his glasses. “Pleased to make your acquaintances,” he said. Hazel scowled.
Curious but not wanting to delve into inter-scientist drama, Roscoe continued to usher the group onward.
“So, the Kale is doing well then, I take it?” Fred asked Roscoe.
“The progress is stellar,” replied the sheriff, tipping his hat back. “Kale as big as palm trees. And Hazel swears it’s more nutritious than anything out there. Reckon you could survive off Kale for the rest of your life and probably live even longer than eatin’ them Earth foods.”
Fred nodded. “Excellent,” he said. “I’d love to see the Kale fields as soon as possible.”
“I’m sure that can be arranged,” the sheriff answered as he led the group through the manor to Governor Stefano’s private meeting room. Striding into the space, Roscoe announced, “The esteemed Dr. Fred, fresh off the ship from Earth.”
Governor Stefano, nose-deep in a spy novel, jumped up in surprise at the intrusion. “What, what, what!” he exclaimed before hurrying around the table to greet the scientist. “Dr. Fred, what an honor to have you here! Please, please, sit down. We have much to discuss. Would you like a Kale-wrapped Kale sandwich? Fresh from the fields today!” Stefano gestured to a platter of lettuce piles in the center of the table.
Fred shook the governor’s hand. “Perhaps in a minute, Governor. Before we get to any discussions, can we possibly see the impressive Kale fields I’ve heard so much about?”
Governor Stefano clapped his hands in excitement. “Why, of course!” he said. “The balcony here gives quite a lovely view.”
Roscoe flung open the double doors at the back of the meeting room. Fred stepped onto the balcony to see abundant, lush fields of Kale as far as the eye could see, with people happily planting, working, and harvesting the greens.
“My god, what abundance this will bring to the universe,” Fred mused.
Meanwhile, 77 million kilometers away, the evil supervillain Zebulon viewed Demeter through his obnoxiously large telescope. How did that Kale look so big and so healthy and so very nutritious? He wasn’t sure, but he was determined to find out.
“If I could control that, I could surely control the universe,” he mused.
To be continued…