Written by Bri Wylde
KALE is a work of fan fiction detailing the lore behind the proof of teamwork Stellar Asset KALE. View the project on GitHub to learn more and to get started farming your own KALE!
Sheriff Roscoe, Hazel, and Aila hustled out of the cottage toward the Governor’s manor perched on a Kale-covered hill in the distance. “Wait for me!” Hamish called from behind them, scrambling around the counter to catch up.
Hazel threw a pitying look over her shoulder. “Hamish, you should stay back. It’s far too dangerous,” she said and hurried after the sheriff.
Deflated, Hamish persisted. “I can help!”
Aila turned and gripped Hamish’s shoulders. “Hazel’s right,” she urged. “You stay and take care of the Kale. There’s no sense putting you in danger needlessly.”
“I’m literally the worst farmer on this planet, maybe in the whole universe!” Hamish huffed, throwing Aila’s hands off. “Leaving those plants with me is like marching them straight to their deaths!”
Aila grimaced. “I believe in you, Hamish. Just remember the protocol,” she said before dashing off. “We’ll see you soon!”
Twenty minutes of flat-out sprinting later, the group burst through the ornate door of the governor’s private meeting room. Governor Stefano toppled out of his chair in surprise, spy novel careening through the air. “What, what, what!” he cried, scrambling to his feet. “What is the meaning of this intrusion?”
Hazel gaped at him. “Governor! We’re in the middle of a crisis!”
“What are you going on about?” the governor answered. “If you’re making a big deal out of a missing beaker again, I’ll ask that you take this elsewhere, seeing as I’m much too busy to be dealing with such nonsense!”
Hazel lifted her brow, eyeing the spy novel titled Undercover and Overdressed, now sprawled on the carpeted floor.
Roscoe hooked his thumbs into his belt loops and cleared his throat. “Well now, Governor, like I was tryin’ to tell ya before, the Corium-Kale experiments and Doc Fred along with ‘em have been kidnapped by the intergalactic supervillain, Zebulon.”
Hazel nodded eagerly. “Governor, this is very important. Everything we’ve been working toward is on the brink of destruction. Zebulon could discover how to use the Corium for all sorts of evil. We must go after him immediately!”
The governor bent down to retrieve his fallen novel. “Do I at least have time to finish this chapter?” he asked.
“All due respect, Your Governorship, we absolutely do not have time for that,” said Roscoe.
“Alright, alright,” grumbled Governor Stefano, and he led the group out of the room to the docking bay and his personal ship, the HMS Frederique Hamilton Badgersworth.
Roscoe tipped his hat and let out a low whistle. “This here’s the fastest ship in the fleet. We’d catch up to Zebulon easy if only we had a notion of where he was goin’.”
“Ah, as for that, I have an idea,” Hazel said, pulling a device from her pocket. “Speaking of my beakers, I put GPS trackers on my equipment, and it was beamed up with the Kale and Dr. Fred. If I activate the tracker, we can locate Zebulon’s ship.”
Roscoe chuckled. “Well, ain’t that a daisy? What possessed you to put GPS trackers on your beakers?”
Hazel blushed, fiddling with the device. “I got tired of everyone using and losing my stuff!”
“Never met anyone who cared so much about science,” Roscoe teased.
“Alright, enough, you two! Let’s pinpoint Zebulon and get moving,” Aila said.
Hazel bent her head over the device and punched a few buttons. After a series of beeps and buzzes, she looked up with a grin. “The ship is only ten light-years away, heading toward planet Tharaxis. We should be able to catch up in no time with the unmatched speed of the HMS Frederique Hamilton Badgersworth!”
“Great, let’s get going!” Aila said, strolling into the ship, closely followed by Roscoe.
“Governor Stefano, are you coming?” Hazel called, glancing around. It took a moment, but she finally spotted him huddled in a corner, Undercover and Overdressed held up in front of his face. “Must be some book,” she muttered and closed the hatch behind her. She made her way to the flight deck, where Roscoe was firing up the ship’s engines.
“What are Zebulon’s coordinates?” he asked, eyeing Hazel.
Hazel slid into the co-pilot’s seat and studied her device. “Position vector: 1,200,500 kilometers, -750,300 kilometers, 2,000,700 kilometers. Velocity vector: 5.2 kilometers per second, 3.8 kilometers per second, -1.4 kilometers per second.”
Roscoe nodded, punching in the data as he guided the ship out of the docking bay. With a grin, he said, “Let’s saddle up and fetch our Kale,” and accelerated into space.
Unbeknownst to the crew, when Hazel was distracted by Governor Stefano, Hamish had snuck on the ship and was hiding in the broom closet. Whether he would bungle the mission, be the savior of the group, or be completely insignificant was still to be seen.
Meanwhile, aboard Zebulon’s evil ship, the robot-alien-man was interrogating Dr. Fred.
“Tell me! How is this Kale so big and healthy and nutritious?!” he demanded, pacing in front of Dr. Fred’s cell, a bushel of Kale held in his hands.
“What will you do with that information?” Dr. Fred queried.
“Take over the world!” Zebulon said.
“Then I’ll never tell! Corium is only to be used for good!”
“Corium, you say?” Zebulon let out a booming laugh.
“Crap,” muttered Dr. Fred.
To be continued…
🥬 Go farm some KALE